Dearest Senators, many dangerous issues confront us today. Marcus Aemilius Lepidus looms somewhere outside Rome, and Gaius Octavius has openly defied the Senate and its time-honored power and roams the East in Parthia. I, merely a poet, do not profess to know much about military, as the only related position I have held was assistant to the governor of Bithynia in 57. However, as our maddeningly incompetent leaders have failed to offer any real solution to our situation, I feel that I, even if somewhat unknowledgeable, could at least offer some thoughts and ideas—and a little invective, as always.
In regards to the situation with Lepidus, as it still has not been resolved by our consuls, I feel that we must vote to grant Dolabella’s request for more legions. I have spoken with Lucius Scribonius Libo, and he has on numerous occasions expressed to me his eagerness to offer legions of Sextus Pompey, to fight for the Republic of Rome. These legions are quite near to Lepidus’ presumed location and thus would seemingly be the best choice for this campaign. However, I also do not trust Dolabella, as it has become quite clear from his absolute deference in the Senate that he is being paid off by our other honorable consul, Marc Antony. Therefore, I posit that we send Libo along as co-general of the legions, in order that the glory of the Republic accompany this expedition and so that Marc Antony’s quest for power does not end in yet a third enemy of Rome with numerous legions at his disposal. We must also vote that Libo and Dolabella return immediately to Rome with all her legions once Lepidus has been brutally and painfully dispatched, as he so rightly deserves.
Once the more pressing matter of Lepidus is dealt with, we must turn to our new public enemy, Gaius Octavius. It is outrageous to me that some of you senators have suggested that we act with care, that we must befriend this 18-year-old boy who has openly disobeyed our requests. I remember the turmoil of youth, and I know firsthand how hotheaded they can be—I wrote dozens of carmina about the passion and despair of love and lust. But however humorous my passions for Lesbia may seem to you learned and wise men now, I assure you that passion for power is no laughing matter. Octavius obviously does not give a damn about the Republic, as he left without consulting us and then refused to return when asked. And some of you talk of sending him an ultimatum? Have we not already passed this point? I cannot imagine why he would not return, unless he plots some destruction of this Senate’s power. And what a surprise! He is the adopted heir of Julius Caesar. I’m sure Caesar would be happy to know that little Octavius is following closely in his tyrannical footsteps.
We must deal with Octavius immediately after Lepidus, and equally as firmly. I suggest that we keep some of the legions currently under Lepidus here in Rome to protect us from any more crazed and power-hungry men. Libo and Dolabella should again take their legions towards Parthia and destroy the boy-general before he has a chance to destroy us. Senators, please do not make the same mistake twice. Rome has at last been freed from its tyrant Caesar, and I commend all of you, save a few, for your dedication and hard work towards rebuilding the Republic of our ancestors. If we allow Octavius to cross the Rubicon while we wait for our emissary to return, the Republic will again be obliterated by a dictator—and a boy at that!
In closing, I would like to make one final point. As we turn our eyes towards war with Lepidus and Octavius, let us not become oblivious to the actions of those in Rome and in our Senate house. Do not forget the conniving note revealed to us by the gods, and do not trust Marc Antony, a man who shares his bed and hopes to share our Republic with a foreign whore!
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